Shatter the silence and acknowledge the importance of mental health.

My Mental Health

I am incredibly grateful for the overwhelming support on my blog the other day and wanted to say a big thank you to everyone. You all have given me such a sense of being gifted. Given that yesterday was mental health day, I've decided to use this opportunity to delve deeper into my own mental well-being. Give it a read and a share if you think it’s worth it please.

Today, the 11th of October 2023, I've documented my mental health issues to get a more lucid understanding of my identity.

My name is Kim. I’m 27 years old and a mum of 4 boys. I've been addressing my mental health issues since I was a young teenager, discovering that my normal is unique compared to others.

I'm a big over sharer, no idea why, haha. 

I have a distinct memory of when I first encountered the word "Anxiety". The word sparked my curiosity and I remember it vividly. The more I saw and heard people discuss it, the more relatable it became, fueling my curiosity. I've been experiencing this my entire life. It felt like me, through and through.

Severe anxiety is a personal battle I face. Throughout the years, my symptoms have differed. I remember experiencing anxiety in primary school, making it an unfortunate part of who I am today.

I experience periodic bouts of anxiety. Sometimes I'm outgoing and social, then suddenly everything changes. I’d rather not get involved with anyone. My whole life constantly makes me anxious, so I spend most of my time at home. When my anxiety is severe, I can't go to a store alone or walk my kids to school. I have to drive them.

The symptoms I mainly experience are dizziness, hot flushes, rapid heartbeat, chest pain, low blood pressure, and nausea. My anxiety has always been extreme, but my symptoms haven't.

The last year or so I’ve started experiencing more severe symptoms. Based on what I've learned, my major symptom appears to be vasovagal syncope episodes. I've had several in the past 3 months, including one earlier this year.

I suspect that the anxiety results from an underlying nervous system issue, possibly trauma-related. My anxiety is heightened because of the challenges and uncertainties I'm facing this year. However, I'm optimistic that as the situation improves, I'll be able to regain a sense of hope and resilience.

I experience intense episodes of depression. When I find myself in this dark place, suicidal thoughts overwhelm me.I can't break free from this crying spell. Crying takes my mind to a terrible place. Life frustrates me to where I don't want to continue. In the past, I have attempted to end my life more than once. Only when I’m in a full-blown episode, though, I get embarrassed about it after, once I’ve snapped out of it. 

With paranoia and me, it becomes triggered when I get over-curious about a thought in a real-life situation. I believe I have also been a paranoid person since I was a child.With my paranoia, I feel like I am very good at controlling it. My level of paranoia is something you would never guess if we spoke in person. I have the ability and intention to obscure it as much as possible. I am skilled at controlling it because I am afraid of my paranoid thoughts causing harm. I ignore most of them, but occasionally I give in to the odd thought. Then that’s it. I can become a very different person who I hate. I switch to someone else.

I have a personality issue that is definitely noticeable. My wardrobe can vouch for it, as can anyone who's been around me long enough.. I have too many clothes to let go of since my personality changes often. My clothes play a crucial role in expressing my personality for the day. People dress in accordance with the weather every day. I coordinate my outfits daily to align with my individual personalities. It's unfortunate that I don't have the resources to learn more about myself or receive a diagnosis. 

Throughout my entire life, I've had the power to achieve whatever I truly desire. If I really want to do something, then I will put my head to it and get it done. While this is advantageous for many, it becomes troublesome for me as I lose enthusiasm once I become proficient. This is one of the main reasons why I have no career as soon as I become capable of doing something. That’s it. I move to my next project. I can't stay committed to a job once I master it. It’s how my brain is wired.

Here are a few examples of what I used to see as my successes;

The initial one is solely about being a mom. I was amazing at it; I made so much effort before, then I do now. Although my kids are happy and well-dressed, I can't shake the guilt of not going out with them as much or taking them to the park recently. Because of my recent operation, I haven't been playing with them as much. I long for the physical and mental energy I used to have.

Are we discussing frame making? I'm an expert! (I'm just joking, but I actually made a lot of sales when I was into creating personalized items.)  

Cakes anyone? I must have had a moment a few years ago when I believed I was Mary Berry in my kitchen. Nevertheless, I excelled at it. My bakes turned out delicious, and my kids' birthday cakes were made with an abundance of love, sweat, and tears. Looking back, the Mary Berry phase persisted for quite a while, although I had my moments of wavering. Nowadays, my kids get their cakes from the supermarket. It's possible that I'll get back into it soon, you never know..

 

   

Want a tattoo? Indeed, I can do them, as you correctly assumed. I lost the motivation and patience to continue after successfully completing mine and my partner's leg, though. I plant to start again.

                             

With building, Bob the builder can't compete with me.. I proudly wear the crown of DIY, haha. The furniture, the walls, the floors.. I handle everything DIY related within the confines of my house. 

‘Hey guys, welcome back to my channel`Yep, you guessed it! I've tried vlogging, but I don't excel at it. Despite that, others encourage me to persevere. To be honest, I believe they're just being nice. The key to my vlogging success is the effort I put into making videos and doing my best. However, I believe I'll stick to blogging for the time being. I hate speaking on camera. LOL.

I can handle most DIY tasks related to hair, makeup, and nails. I can do it all - from haircuts and acrylics to makeup looks and hair dyeing, even tinting, lash applying, hair extension application, and more.

                        
Selling products has also been very successful for me. At one time, I was making sales of over £1k per month for a company. Unfortunately, my earnings from it were not enough. This went on and off for 2 years. I loved socializing and gaining knowledge about various products and their meanings. The decline in my mental health results from life stresses, taking me from a good place to where I am now.

You're not alone. I'll be publishing more about my mental health issues in the next few days.I will talk more in depth about psychosis, premenstrual dysphoric disorder and many more mental health issues that I’ve got experience.

"Your mental health is just as important as your physical health.”

“It’s okay not to be okay.”

“You are not your mental illness.”

“Your struggles do not define you.”

“Taking care of your mental health is an act of self-love.”

“You are worthy of happiness and peace of mind.”

“There is no shame in seeking help for your mental health.”

“It’s okay to take a break and prioritize your mental health.”

“You are not alone in your struggles.”

“It’s okay to ask for support when you need it.” 

Quotes from - https://www.embracehealth.com/blog/50-quotes-about-mental-health